Preparing Myself

I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. My biggest challenge will be not crying in front of Mabel tomorrow morning before she goes in for the surgery. I'm not normally a weepy kind of Mom, but under extreme circumstances, I do lose it. Two and a half years ago she had to be taken by ambulance from the doctor's office to the ER because her oxygen levels were so low (asthma), and I was a complete wreck. I know seeing her in her little hospital gown and heading down the hall to the operating room will be excruciating.

But the rational part of me knows this is routine surgery. She's a healthy little girl and no one expects any complications. And lots of people called me at work today to say they either have been or will be praying for her, which makes me feel good, too. Whether God's listening or not, all that positive energy floating around has to be a good thing.

Thanks, Lori, for the suggestion to bring some of my own foods along to the hospital. I think I'll pack my little lunch box full of yogurt, a single serving of nuts, an apple, things like that. I may polish them off in an hour's time and wind up with my head in the vending machine later, but at least I'll have made the attempt.

I'm not very optimistic about my weigh-in this week. I've been super bloated, and while a little bit has been coming off every day, it's very slow going. I think it's a combination of PMS, decreasing the amount of the one medication I take (which has a diuretic effect), and of course don't forget all the food I ate over the past weekend! So I may be up a couple of pounds this week. After the incredible amount I've knocked off the last few weeks, I won't take it as a complete failure. We all have these ups and downs, coinciding with hormonal fluctuations, system regulating, etc. (oh yeah, don't forget recovering from overeating!)

It's not that I'm preparing myself for disappointment or failure. It's all in the perspective. Today it was 33 degrees here and it felt warm after trudging around in 10 degree weather. Bloated for me now is 212 pounds; a year ago it was in the 230-240 range; before that I was bouncing around 320 thinking it impossible that I could ever see 212 again! So in the grand scheme, it doesn't seem so bad.

My friend gave me her W1ns0r P1lat3s tapes to try. I'm a little nervous about it, unsure whether I can do all the moves. It comes down to the human desire to avoid change and something new. But I'm determined to give it -- and myself-- a chance and see what happens. I might wind up loving it. Or, maybe I'll hate it and want to try something else. But at least I'll know.

All right, I've meandered on here long enough. I need to go pack an overnight bag for myself and Mabel and make sure we're ready to go tomorrow morning. Although I still haven't heard from the hospital yet about the exact time of the surgery (it's now 3 p.m.) and I'm a bit aggravated about that. But not much I can do about it, so I better just deal, and stay away from the kitchen!