Sunday, January 14, 2007

Having Second Thoughts

The Internet is a powerful thing. It opens up the whole world to you, not only for things to buy, but information and people's opinions and experiences.

Oh a whim this morning I did a search on the new oral contraceptive my doctor's switching me to and its use as a treatment for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I had read in the past that people had great experiences with this, which is why I asked my doctor for it.

Well, I was quite surprised that today when I peeked into the world wide web, I found a much different perspective. Everywhere I looked, it was women complaining of the horrible side effects, the worst ones to me being depression, anxiety and decreased sex drive. There were a few positive reviews of the drug, but overwhelmingly I found the same thing over and over: women feeling horrible on it, not wanting sex at all, and lots of warnings NOT to take this pill!

So here I sit, feeling panicked: I've been all brave and risk-taking up to this point, going on about tweaking and trying to get better results. But now I'm having serious second thoughts. I have a history of depression and anxiety; I've been on a number of antidepressants in my life, and four years ago I temporarily took medicine for the anxiety attacks I was having. Is it wise to take a medicine that is documented to cause something I already have a propensity for?

And who wants their sex drive to disappear? I've only been married a year and a half; it's way too soon in our relationship to throw a whopper like that into it.

Underlying all this is a growing anger at my OB/GYN. He knows about my history of depression -- at least, it's in his records. His lackadaisical attitude about this drug and his shrugging, "whatever you want to do" attitude about prescribing it to me smacks of irresponsibility. I know, I'm the one who brought the medicine up, but I brought it up looking for his advice. And he really didn't give me any. He's supposed to be the expert, right? Even if he doesn't know all the information about this drug off the top of his head, shouldn't he at least have some literature on this medicine somewhere in his office that he could get out and go over with me?

I know this post has nothing to do with weight loss -- actually, it does. Because if my mental faculties go haywire with depression and anxiety, I know my weight loss efforts will get tossed to the wayside. There's no way I'd be able to focus and be mindful of my eating and exercise if I'm miserable and have no interest in life, not to mention my husband.

I'm just sitting here, seeing how close I am to my goals -- 8.5 pounds to 200, 28.5 to 180 -- and I realize how close I am to throwing it all away. I've had so much stress (good and bad) in my life lately -- marriage, surgeries, moving -- and have been able to breeze through them without any serious reappearance of my old nemesis Depression, and his nasty sister, Anxiety. Things have been going so well. It just seems crazy to take that kind of risk. It borders on self-sabotage.

So, I guess I'm looking for validation here. I have every right to call my OB/GYN in the morning and say I've changed my mind, right? That after further thought I've decided to stay the course (how G. W. B*sh of me) and stick with my current pills? I've already bought the other pills, but maybe the doctor's office could give me samples of my old pills? And even if I have to pay full price (since I'm sure my insurance won't pay again so soon), that's a small price to pay to keep my sanity. Any feedback you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

By the way, I don't always thank everyone personally for their encouragement and support. Know that I greatly appreciate it, and it makes me feel wonderful that I've got my online cheering squad in my corner.

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