Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Keep Hope (and Patience) Alive

I should probably get in the habit of posting replies in the comments section of this blog. I don't want anyone who comments to think I'm ignoring you; I'm always rushing to my computer in the morning to see if anyone's commented on one of my posts, and I always appreciate the advice and support I get.

Lori touched upon something I meant to include in yesterday's blogarrhea (I don't know where these words are coming from, but I like it!) but ran out of time and finger strength.
She pondered, "He's also charging into an area that you have worked hard at and have developed your own theories that work for you... Is he acting like there's a competition between the two of you? He might be. And he probably is a bit needier and you don't have time for that either. "

While he hasn't come right out and said we're competing, Hubby has this way of taking this position that His Way is the Right and Only Way. He doesn't come right out and say that, but I feel like he can't fully empathize, understand and respect another person's opinion or way of doing things. If he does, it doesn't come across to me.

This past week Hubby has been quite the evangelical when it comes to his diet plan, and I have to admit it rubs me the wrong way. I don't want or need to be converted to his low carb diet, and I get a little offended when he takes on Teacher Mode with me about eating healthy. There was one meal in particular that he was critical of my choices, which I felt were healthy options but he felt were not because they didn't fall under the safe foods in his plan. And when he announced that "I think we [my italics] should eventually go on the South Beach plan to maintain," I wanted to ask him if he had a mouse in his pocket.

Lori's right; I have developed strategies and plans that work for me, and I got insulted when a "newbie" came along and critiqued it. So yes, I think these instances have increased the feelings I talked about yesterday. My reaction is to get defensive, and out come the feelings of spite and rebellion.

But last night took an interesting turn. As we were settling down for the evening, Hubby confided that if he doesn't lose 10 pounds by the end of the first 12 days, he's tempted to quit.

"Rome wasn't built in a day," I responded.
"My belly was," he said, "or at least it feels like it."
"You have to have a little patience and perseverance," I went on. "Just think, I'm working on year three now! There have been many times that I haven't lost or even gained, but you have to keep on trying."
Hubby then asked me how much weight I've lost in total the past three years -- including the weight I regained and lost again. I quickly calculated and told him it was close to 200 pounds.
His reply? "You're amazing. You should be on the cover of a magazine."

A few days ago he also commented that I am the only person he knows who has lost this much weight without surgery, and went on to say how amazing that is. I can tell he's been thinking about weight a lot lately, because he also admitted to me that his family doctor would be more than willing to recommend him for the lap band procedure.

While I am not a fan of weight loss surgery and have been very vocal about my wariness of it as a "magic pill," I have to admit that if Hubby really wanted to get the band, I would do my best to support him. I realize there are a lot of people who have had success with medical intervention, and for many that drastic step needs to be taken to initiate change in their lives. I would draw the line at gastric bypass, though -- I would have to formally protest against anyone, especially a loved one, chopping up and rearranging their digestive system.

I found it interesting that despite my negative feelings, when Hubby does begin to falter I instinctively try to support and encourage him to keep going. I really do want him to succeed. I may not endorse how he's doing it, but I know from experience that this is a highly individual series of trials and errors. I don't want him to give up just because one method isn't working, I want him to try different things until he finds something that works and he's comfortable sticking with on a long-term basis. I know this isn't an easy thing. I'm still amazed that I have gotten so far, and I always have the fear of losing/gaining it all in the future. But it doesn't stop me from hoping that Hubby can make some positive changes in his life, too.


Vickie said...

My own - flash in the pan - male dieter as moved on to other things. He had a 4 pound loss immediately - and then discovered that his weight was really bouncing around - salt? Does it do that to men too?

I just started working with a ED therapist and he said - "well good - because then you can come home and tell me things that she told you to do and I can do them too". I said - actually I AM NEVER DOING ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY LIKE THAT EVER - so just stay out of my business.

I think that he thought there is a magic set of "steps" that she would give me and he would just tag along. Never mind the fact that he doesn't actually HAVE an eating disorder. . .

And realized that I will never be writing about ED therapy for the same reason - someone might think that they can do "remote" therapy.

Lori said...

I have been meaning to write and I can't at the moment but I will be back. Promise!