After this past week, I'm wondering if I should write some of this stuff out in a paper journal and putting it online a day later. Because if I had done that yesterday, I probably wouldn't have posted what I did.
I don't know why I let Hubby keep pushing my buttons and get me so worked up (thanks to Lori, by the way, to offer to come here and smack him!). It actually makes me a little angry that I'm such a puppet, flailing in whatever direction the puppet master steers me.
I went to bed last night without a bandage on my finger, and in the morning it wasn't miraculously healed, but letting it exposed to the air did seem to help. So I'm not going to the doctor, I'm not worried I have diabetes, and I feel kind of foolish for letting myself get so upset by this and writing about it on here.
It's very cold again (I think it was 9 degrees when I got up), but like the automaton I am, out I went to work out. I shoveled snow for about 20 minutes, then did the 20-minute program on the treadmill at my "satellite" gym. (Such a strange situation. But until our basement is clean, I'm stuck doing this.) It's a short program but a ball buster -- while walking at 4 miles per hour the incline goes from 4 to 6 and finally to 8, which sends the little red dots all the way up to the top of the "Aerobic" designation (Performance is the last/highest section on my treadmill, which I will probably never reach unless I start running). So even though I'm doing a shorter walk, it burns just as many calories and makes me sweat even more than the easier but longer walks.
I'm also in the double layers again today to keep warm. I know they say you burn more calories if you're cold, but I also get more hungry. So I figure it's worth losing those extra burned calories if I can keep myself from ingesting even more than I could ever burn.
Can you tell I'm trying to keep myself distracted from the Big Squeeze, scheduled at 12:30? I'm not that scared of the actual procedure -- I've done it before and it wasn't terrible. I just don't want to think about all the worst case scenarios today. I've pretty much had it. I'm officially mentally shot and everything else is now kind of sliding off of me because I've reached my saturation point.
The good news is, I shipped Mabel off to school today, so I don't have to worry about babysitters, and I'm finally getting my afternoons back, which should help my stress levels a lot. You don't realize how important that alone time is until you lose it.
My food's pretty much planned out for most of the day. We're having tuna steaks for supper, which will be a nice change from the usual carousel of chicken, pork and beef, with an occasional white fish entree thrown in. I noticed the difference in Hubby's and my mood this morning; he was bummed because he had to go back to the "boring old diet," while I felt a sense of relief that the chaotic weekend was over and I could get back to my food plan. I can't think of a better indicator that I'm on the right track.
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My offer still stands. It's what I do best...drive into strange towns and smack sense into stupid husbands. Wonder Woman has her yell, I have "snap out of it, dumba$$" for my war cry. ;-)
You are doing a good job; it's the worst time of the year for you, your husband's driving you a bit batty, your little girl had surgery and you've got this stupid test today. You've stuck to what you can do and you're going back on track! Go Andrea!
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