Friday, January 05, 2007

Both Sides Now

Sorry I missed posting yesterday. I'm definitely still in flux right now, both at work and at home. It will be nice when things settle down and my routines fall back into place.

The last three days I've been a good little soldier about getting out of bed, out of the house and exercising. This morning I was really tempted to sleep in, but then a voice in my head said, "Damn it girl, just do it!" So I did, and I'm so glad I did, because I feel so much better when I do. Something about getting that heart pumping, a little sweat flowing, getting my dose of light therapy; it makes me feel alive. And it gives my brain a chance to focus and gear up for the demands of the day.

My eating is still a little iffy -- I'm still doling out my daily portions of my hidden stash of candy because I can't bear to throw it away. I'm only measuring about half of my food and I'm not avoiding all refined carbs. But I'm not binge eating, I'm eating a majority of healthy foods, and I'm not grazing all day and night. And it's paying off -- I'm only a half pound away from my pre-holiday low weight.

While part of me is eager to knock off the rest of this weight, I'm also realistic that I'm in a very precarious spot right now. The post-holiday, post-move, post-stress time is here and my most dangerous time for gaining weight. It's when things are starting to calm down and I think I need to "treat" myself, usually with food. Add that my daughter's surgery is two weeks away, and you can see my life is a giant landmine field of diet sabotage. The way I look at it, if I can maintain within a few pounds, or even better, lose very slowly, for the next few weeks, I'd consider that a victory. It definitely beats falling off the wagon and packing on 20 pounds.

Having said that, this morning I was concocting non-food rewards for myself when I do reach my next two big milestones -- 200 and 180. I love my satellite radio, but the accessories are not cheap. So giving myself those items to celebrate my accomplishments seems like a good idea.

Yes, I know waving these "carrots" in front of my nose to get me movitated seems to contradict my previous paragraph about taking it easy on myself. But that's me and my Gemini nature -- I'm always bouncing between both sides of the issue.

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