Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Nowhere Else to Go But Up

Highlight from yesterday's mammography:
As the technician adjusted my "stuff" in the machine, she asked, "You've lost some weight, haven't you?"
Having never met this woman before, I responded, "Yeah, you can tell, can't you?"
"Yeah," she replied. She then went on to ask me if I work out, what I do, when I do it, and it was an interesting little conversation.

It made me realize that even though I'm a tad embarrassed of my loose skin and stretch marks, it's my badge of honor in a way. It's my proof of what I've been able to do and how far I've come.

Afterwards I went to the country library and found some good books. I got my fill of British mysteries with books by P.D. James and M.C. Beaton, and I found the book Grumpy mentioned in one of her posts recently, "The Solution For Safe, Healthy and Permanent Weight Loss" by Laurel Mellin. I started reading it yesterday and it's pretty interesting so far. This book suggests writing a lot to unearth old issues and resolve feelings that have caused and perpetuated overeating and a sedentary, depleting lifestyle. I have a feeling I've done some of this work already, but I'd like to see if there's more I can do.

After the library I went home and did the 20-minute P1lates tape again. Each time I get a little better at it. I think I'm now ready to move up to the next tape in the 3-tape set, which is longer and supposedly is an all-over workout. I don't have any places to go or errands to run today, so I think I'll try it today. I'll then alternate between the two tapes for a while, and then my friend said she also has some tapes that include the stability ball, which I already own.

It feels so good to do this in the afternoons. It helps with the afternoon slump I often feel, and it helps to get rid of or at least avoid the urge to eat that I often get that time of day. Part of it's being active, but it's also relaxing, too.

In fact, last evening I was in the best mood I've been in for quite some time. When we went to bed Hubby commented on it and asked why I was so cheerful and what he could do to recreate it.

My reply? "I think I hit bottom and realized there was nowhere else to go but up."

That might sound a little harsh, a little Eeyore, but it was my first response and had a lot of truth to it. After being so down in the dumps I just couldn't take it and something inside of me just decided to not be there anymore. This is pretty cool, because this is an art I've never been able to master before. Usually I would just sink into a bona fide depression, spend the next couple months vegetating in front of the TV and sinking into a mire of sugar and fat. When I would emerge, bleary eyed like a bear out of hibernation, I'd be 20 pounds heavier and disappointed in myself.

I just can't seem to let myself do that anymore. Thank goodness! So it seems like I'm already on the road to the "Solution" in my own way. By the way, I'm on Day 3 of the new medicine, and I'm feeling pretty good. So let's hope this upward swing in my life is a continuing trend.


Grumpy Chair said...

I'm glad I now have someone to discuss "The Solution" with.

I like the journal ideas, but not real big on the feeling letters part.

I have a Pilate's DVD that I purchased last month to try (it's a beginners). Great idea to do it in the afternoon when the hunger/boredom thing takes over (between 1:00 and 3:00 I'm restless).

Vickie said...

glad things are going better - I have an exercise ball too - but with my inner ear thing - can't do it - the girls roll around all over the house on it.