Monday, September 10, 2007


Yesterday the tension between Hubby and I grew and grew. It was so uncomfortable, yet I wasn't completely sure if it was completely over this London trip or if had to do with other stressful events that have beset my husband this past week.

Nevertheless, I kept my distance, which wasn't hard since we spent the afternoon at our church picnic. A few of the kids wanted to come to our place to swim, so I watched them while he visited with his parents.

Later that evening, however, things came to a head, and he kind of blew a gasket over this trip. I did my best to stay assertive and not aggressive, or worse yet, shut down and give up. At the end of his tirade I had to leave the room. I truly felt at that moment that I was going to have to give up this trip, because it simply wasn't worth this much strife between us.

But then, after a few minutes, Hubby followed me into the kitchen apologizing for his irrational behavior. I said it was clear I couldn't go, because if I do he'll make my life miserable because he's so upset about it. He told me I should go (which honestly felt like deja vu from Friday) and that he's just going to have to get over his issues. I got some more apologetic emails this morning from him, too. Yet after all of this I'm still not sure if Hubby is okay with it.

So here I am, not sure what I'm supposed to do. My friends want to book our airline tickets tonight; SS is researching B&Bs in London. The time of final decision has arrived.

I've been put in an unpleasant situation. If I say yes I make myself happy, yet my husband won't be. If I say no he'll calm down, yet I'll be full of regret. Is it time to be selfish or selfless? Is it time to assert myself or back down?

You could say I'm torn.


Beula said...

Andrea I feel for and with you. This is not about you. You are on the outside looking in even though it doesn't feel like it. Is Hubby jealous, afraid for you, or angry at the amount of work your leaving will cause? Why doesn't he want you to go? Is is finances?

If he has a valid reason consider his opinion. If it is a selfish reason confront it. He sounds like someone who is still learning about his motivations (aren't we all).

You are in a classic Us spot. Whose needs are greater, mine or someone else's? We characteristically choose to set aside our needs, and then we simmer and eat. Is this about more than just the trip? Will confronting this issue reveal a yawning chasm you would rather not face just yet, or is this just another marriage lesson?

Please do not just give in/up without knowing why.

Take care. Love Bea

BigAssBelle said...

to say that he may have an opportunity for growth is trite and i don't mean it that way. but we all get to make changes in our ways of approaching life when we get riled up and/or disturbed about something.

he has a choice in how he chooses to react to your decision. that's the hard part for me to remember ~ that i am really not responsible for his (my his ;-) ) feelings.

i have already found out you're going and i'm happy for you. i'll bet he will be too when you get back and even more, i'll bet he'll be pretty happy with himself for having dealt with his issues.