Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Filling the Emptiness

It's been too long since I posted. Granted, I've been busy -- somewhat.

But I just can't seem to pull myself out of this funk I'm in. I can't seem to focus and concentrate. It's virtually impossible for me to read -- and I've always been such an avid reader, so this is really frustrating for me. I'm apathetic, lethargic, and worse of all, I can't seem to stop eating.

I'm walking regularly, but last week I didn't get to Yoga or Pilates due to Mabel's illness and this huge party I had to help with. I'm getting the house work done and keeping my family on track the best I can. But I don't have the energy for much else.

And the final icing on the cake -- I'm having problems in the bedroom. This just adds to some issues I've been having in my marriage lately.

While this might sound like depression, I can't seem to even feel enough to be depressed! This includes all emotions -- happiness, sadness, anger, you name it. It's hard to blog when you can't get up enough interest to write about something.

I'm putting a lot of the blame on this medicine I'm on. I just don't think this Lexapro is for me. Fortunately I have an appointment on Thursday to check up on how the medicine is doing, and I'm preparing this list of complaints. Granted, I'm not having anxiety attacks, but this list of cons doesn't seem to make up for the one benefit.

I feel so lost right know. Very empty. Perhaps that's why I keep turning to food -- to fill that emptiness. I hope I can resolve these problems soon.

1 comment:

Lori said...

I've been thinking about you and a bit worried. You had a very emotional event about a week ago and perhaps that's still swirling around. If I were in your shoes, I'd be resentful about a lot of it.

Your post says you are taking care of everyone in your family and keeping them on track. Is anyone helping you keep on track? Being the responsible one can be kind of lonely without a lot of rewards. That might be why you're rewarding yourself with food.

That's enough out of me. I'm just concerned about you.