What Happened???

I'm not sure what's happening, but suddenly, I'm better.

I'm not gripped with the simmering anger, I'm not bursting into tears. And the biggest sign of all? I'm cleaning the house. Last night I went around and swept with the broom, scrubbed down the kitchen sink and counters, and stuck our nasty stove burner covers into the oven and did the self-cleaning thing (it seems to be the only way to get that really burned on gunk off). I packed up the Easter decorations and took them upstairs to put them back in the attic.

And this morning, although I felt tired at first and slept in a little bit, skipping my hour cardio, I then did my 20-minute Pilates tape. Then I found myself starting a load of laundry and vacuuming the downstairs! And as I was leaving I was already planning my afternoon, when I intend to attack the den and clean it thoroughly. Cleaning, dear? Who, dear? Me, dear? Yes, dear! (My tribute to Catherine Tate and her character Derek Faye. Can you believe I have my husband and daughter quoting this character?)

This can't all be attributed to hormones. But as soon as my period started, voila, I'm feeling human again. Today, for the first time in a couple weeks, I really and truly feel back in the groove. Several of us bloggers talk about the balancing game we play between the desire to eat and the desire to lose weight. If our desire for doughnuts outweighs our desire to fit in a size 10 dress, all the diet plans and exercise routines, all the self-help books and friendly advice in the world won't help.

For the past two weeks my need to eat -- overeat, oh, let's face it, binge -- had taken over any wish to reach 199 pounds. I was sick to death of cottage cheese and steamed vegetables, I wanted bread and cheese crackers and pasta and lots and lots of Easter candy. And by God, nothing was going to stand in my way until I got it.

It's really like I've woken up from some insane dream and realizing I'm back in reality, or that I'm coming off the effects of some crazy drugs and wondering what in the hell happened to me.

So, am I really back in the proper balance? I'm still sick of cottage cheese and haven't touched it the last couple days. But honestly, I've eaten so much of the stuff in the past two years it isn't surprising I'm tired of it. And I did have some chocolate and pasta (albeit whole wheat) yesterday, but measured portions of it, and no seconds. At supper time especially I felt no need to eat until I was full; I ate my portions, wasn't interested in any more and walked away from the table.

I'm not going to question or debate it too much. If I feel good, I'm running with it. My biggest concern, however, is that this is hormonal, and that in two weeks I'm going to be utterly out of control again with PMS. I am definitely going to be very observant this next month, and if this cycle repeats, I am calling the OB/GYN pronto and telling him this just won't do. Which is a shame, because up until this point I've been pretty happy with the new birth control pill, and I'd hate to have to switch again.

All right, I've got lots to do and the energy to do it, so I best go do it.