Monday, February 12, 2007

A Tale of Three Winters

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m. with a nose completely stuffed and just couldn't bring myself to drag my carcass outside and get on a treadmill. After dozing for another half an hour, I did manage to get up and do my stability ball exercises, which I also did Saturday. I do plan to go to my "satellite gym" after work today and do my first post-cold cardio. I'm going to take it easy; I have my mystery novel and plan on riding the stationary bike instead of a full-throttle power walk on the treadmill.

I have to be honest and admit this weekend was pretty darn poor food-wise. Saturday I ran all day and overate, and Sunday I stayed home all day and still overate, so I really have no excuses other than I wanted to eat. I had a few moments of guilt over this, but I also tried to give myself some perspective by looking back at the last two winters and how I did:

2005: I had just gotten engaged and unofficially moved in with my fiancee. This stress, although good, sent me into my lapse where I proceeded to regain 50 pounds by the time I came home from my honeymoon. That winter I could not stop eating; almost each afternoon was a "comfort me" eating spree.

2006: I was now married and settling in to our first home together. Things were calming down, although I was still dealing with that transitional first year of marriage. I was dealing with some seasonal depression despite beginning some light therapy in the mornings. In the fall of '05 I had managed to knock off the 50 I had regained, but in the winter months of '06 I had a lot of problems with overeating and kept gaining and losing the same 10-15 pounds. Weekends were the worst, but a lot of weeks my bad eating would slop into Monday or Tuesday, or I'd start early on Thursday or Friday.

2007: I knocked off another 20-25 pounds in the fall/early winter of '06 and had the best mindful eating over the holidays that I've ever had. Despite the stress of moving into a new home right after Christmas and my daughter having surgery, the winter seasonal depression symptoms are markedly less (almost nonexistent) due to increased light therapy time. Overeating is occurring on weekends, but Monday through Friday my routines (food and exercise) are right on target, and I continue to slowly lose weight.

While I could really beat myself up about this weekend eating, looking back at my past few winters, I can see that I'm making progress. I am definitely not perfect and see lots of room for improvement, but I have to realize that I'm going through an evolution of sorts. Since 2004 I have been gradually morphing from a morbidly obese, sedentary, compulsive binge eater into a person who weighs considerably less (I'm not going to kid myself that I'll ever reach "thin" -- slightly overweight, maybe, but never skinny), is much more physically active, and is learning to eat mindfully. There are still some remnants of that old person lurking in my head, but as each year progresses, the new habits are exerting more and more influence over me.

Am I disappointed that every weekend winds up being about eating? Sure. Am I proud of myself that every Monday I get myself back on track? You bet! Am I frustrated that it's taking so long to hit the Onederfuls? Sometimes. Am I thrilled that I'm getting closer to it instead of moving farther back up the 200s? YES!

So here I am, another Monday, another week, another chance to take care of myself. And if I can keep it up, maybe I'll make it through this winter and be even closer to my Onederful goal.

1 comment:

Vickie said...

Your analysis of your past several winters – made me think of the phrase “mindful momentum”