Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Accountability Has Its Benefits

We're in the early stages of a big snowfall -- the weather man is calling for about a foot of snow. Schools in the county are being dismissed early today, and it's questionable if there will be school tomorrow.

Hubby and Mabel are in different schools, but usually they cancel at the same time, so if there's no school he can stay home with her and it keeps me from rearranging things for work. But the downside is that I lose my afternoon quiet time. The TVs are blaring, Hubby's asking me every 15 minutes where something is (is this a universal male thing, or is my husband the only one who can't seem to look for anything without assistance?) and Mabel seems to think it's my job to be her short order cook. And that's when the two of them aren't pushing each others' buttons or roughhousing in the living room.

The good news is, I finally got myself up and out of the house this morning and did my 30-minute treadmill walk. There was a moment when I was tempted to turn off the alarm and roll over, but then I realized two things: 1. I wouldn't actually get any more sleep because the next 30 minutes is interrupted every six minutes by Hubby's alarm and snooze button and 2. If I didn't get myself back into routine ASAP I would be treading into dangerous territory -- weight gain territory! So I knew the only thing to do was to get up and take care of business.

This week's going to be a tough one. Tonight a local restaurant is having a school night, where 20 percent of your bill goes to our parent-teacher organization to fund field trips, etc. It's one of those steak houses with a big salad bar buffet with loads of delicious stuff. Wednesday is Valentine's Day, and I suspect Hubby got me some of my favorite candy, chocolate-covered peanut butter meltaways. And Saturday he's taking me to Pittsburgh for a surprise dinner.

I know I have the skills to maneuver these events, at least the weekday ones. I've been to this steak house before and eaten mindfully, and the candy can always wait until the weekend. But there's this disturbing little voice in the back of my head saying, "Aw, come on, who wants to work so hard all the time? Just eat what you want, it's Valentine's Day week, you can always catch up later."

I know this voice. It's a deceptive little devil, and if I give in to it, before you know it I'll be overeating regularly and sliding down the slippery slope to relapse. Because it won't just be Valentine's Day week (and come on, who ever heard of celebrating it for a whole week?), it'll be the rest of the month, then the rest of spring, and by the time summer arrives I won't be getting rid of last year's summer clothes as I plan on doing, I'll be just squeezing into them.

Knowing this, I start to fill with anxiety. "I'm losing it. I've been doing so well, and now my foundation is starting to crumble. First the exercise suffers, and now I'm tempted to overeat during the week. I'm on the road to falling off the wagon!"

It's a good thing I have this blog right now, and I'm admitting this not only to myself, but to my devoted readers. Of course I don't want to let myself down, but then I start thinking, "What is Vickie going to say if I blow it? Lori will be so disappointed if I say 'the hell with it' all week." I know all the experts say you have to lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else. But external accountability has its benefits. It keeps me honest, and it gives me some outside perspective that I definitely need right now. If Hubby was telling me what I told you above, I know I'd try to give him support and encouragement to keep him from stumbling. So why shouldn't I seek that for myself?

Just hashing this out is relieving some of the anxiety. Knowing I have that support is comforting, and looking back at what's making me anxious, I can see how manageable it is. I am getting back on track with exercising; these upcoming weekday events are not insurmountable; it isn't that much work; and I am not falling off the wagon! Just stay in the moment, listen to your body, feel your feelings and work through them. Overeating is not the answer to any of this.

All right, I have to get going. Hubby and Mabel will be home soon, and I'm sure there's some snow to shovel at my house. If you're in the mid-Atlantic region, enjoy the snow, if you can!

1 comment:

Vickie said...

I was just thinking that I am far enough away - NOW - from Thanksgiving blending right into Christmas blending right into all our January birthdays - that I can probably take down my guard now - a little.

And yes - husbands can't find a thing - my famous line - "if I used it last - you will find it _______ - if you used it last - it is where ever you used it." And that is SO true.

Your husband would TRULY buy you candy? Has he not been paying attention????