Moving Forward

Well, I can't say I was surprised when I slipped up a little last night. On the bright side, I kept the damage to a minimum.

It all started to go downhill when the school nurse called to say Mabel's new palate spacer came loose. This medieval torture device was installed in her mouth on Monday, so this was not expected so soon. I called the orthodontist's office, who asked me to bring Mabel in as soon as she got home from school. So Hubby and I scooped her off the bus and drove to town. The orthodontist reglued the contraption back on to her molars, and then we decided to go out for supper and let Mabel pick the restaurant.

She picked a decent place that has several healthy choices, and I ordered a lemon sole with snap peas and a side salad. Sounds great, right? But the meal comes with two small rolls -- one a "snow cap" dinner roll and a little cinnamon roll. I ate the snow cap with my salad, and after my entree I ate the cinnamon roll... and then I ate my husband's cinnamon roll, too. Mabel's meal came with a large sugar cookie, which we took home... and after I helped her practice piano I ate that. A little while later, when I went out to tidy up the kitchen, I found the Oreo package and ate two cookies... and then I ate two more.

But I then hit the wall; if I ate another bite I knew my little indulgences were going to turn into a binge. So I stopped. I got myself out of the kitchen, spent time canoodling with my daughter, and I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the night.

Do I call this a victory or a screw-up? I've commented on a couple blogs a few days ago with the statement "This isn't an exam we're being graded on. We shouldn't think of our screw-ups as failures, but as learning experiences." So I'm trying my best to convince myself that I didn't "fail" last night.

It isn't helping that my husband's been having a rough week, too. He's been having lots of slip-ups -- chips when he gets home from school, cookies after supper -- and I can tell he's having feelings of failure. I've done my best to be his cheerleader, trying to support him and remind him that a few shaky days doesn't mean he should give up altogether. And bless him, he is still sticking to the low carb meals. It's just those snacks that are the trouble area.

A statement in Lori's post today really summed up what I'm going through right now, and maybe a lot of other people are, too.
"I’m tired of watching what I eat but I also don’t want to binge either. I don’t want to be sloppy — it’s not a matter of that. I can’t quite put my finger on the issue. It’s like I want to go to WW and hear “you’re down a pound” or whatever but in a way, eh. I don’t want to stand still but I seem to lack the energy to go forward at the moment. And my apathy is okay with me as long as I don’t go backwards. Reporting in here keeps me from doing anything too crazy."

I'm fighting a lot of apathy, too. I wish that food and my weight could be a non-issue for me, just for a week or two, on the condition that when I came back to dealing with it I haven't gained 20 pounds!

Vickie is discussing something similar in her post as she asks about people taking "breaks."
"Most people - I think - and I might be very wrong - when they take a "break" they do not continue eating the same. I think they are taking a break from the food plan they are on - ??????? ...While on a break, I understand that most people would try to keep the damage down to a controllable level - is this possible? And I understand that there are two things impacted here - what the break/reward does to you physically and also mentally."

I would assume most people would consider a break going back to old habits. I don't really want to go back to overeating morning, noon and night, and I don't want to return to my sedentary ways. I know I feel better when I portion out my food; I know the physical and mental benefits from the exercise I do.

I guess what I want to take a break from is calculating calories in my head all day; fretting about my morning bloat and how it affects the number on the scale; worrying that my Saturday weigh in won't show a loss. This being so damn "good" all week, which is leading me to be "bad" on the weekends.

That's what it comes down to, doesn't it? How do I break the "good" and "bad" behavior and find a healthy balance in between? That ideal situation is what I need to keep striving for, because that is the maintenance lifestyle that will keep me at a goal weight and not gain all the weight back.

Obviously I still have a lot to learn and figure out. For today, I rode my stationary bike and have eaten healthy this morning. I've written here and expressed what I'm thinking and feeling. That's the foundation of my routine, and as long as I keep those rituals, I feel confident I will keep moving forward.