Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Getting My Feet Wet

Back to work today. My throat/tonsils are still kind of bothering me, but everything else is better. Vickie mentioned having "colds" that wound up being allergies and asthma; I've had both since I was 9 and pretty much know it's not them, because I keep them pretty well treated.

Anne also mentioned treating Seasonal Affective Disorder with light therapy. This is my second year of trying full spectrum lighting, and I am seeing more improvement each year. I'm no longer on the verge of being incapacitated by depression, but unfortunately I'm still experiencing some symptoms, and one of those is definitely the eating. Again, each year it gets better, but I'm far from "cured."

Yesterday was an odd food day; I had oatmeal at lunchtime, then ate dinner with the family. Hubby picked up thinly sliced beef he fried in the skillet and made green beans and fried potatoes with it -- a typical manly, meat and potatoes meal. Mabel loved it, and I have to admit I dug right in, too. But that was it for the rest of the day. So I'm not feeling too guilty about it.

Today I'm pretty much back to routine food wise. The exercise didn't happen this morning because I had just enough energy to get myself and Mabel ready, and that was it. This afternoon I'm meeting with my accountant to get my taxes ready, so although I'm feeling better I'm short on time to get any exercise in. But again, I'm not feeling horrible about it. I'm still recovering and I don't want to push it.

Granted, I do feel discouraged by the weekend eating (not to mention the recent weekday eating) and how it's been derailing me lately. I'm taking into account the SAD, the stress I've been under, the new medication, but I still feel if I was stronger or more dedicated these things wouldn't be holding me back. I know this thinking borders on being a perfectionist and bashing myself, so I try to temper these thoughts with more positive, supportive and reasonable statements.

I've been through these slumps before. I worried that I was losing control and that I would gain everything back. I worried that whatever plateau point I was hovering around would be permanent and I'd never be able to lose more than that. But since 2004 each slump has decreased in length, each regain has gotten smaller, and each plateau point has been passed. As long as I keep trying and don't give up, I can get through this, too. And the fact that I now have this blog and keep myself accountable is a good sign that I'll recover even quicker this time. Because I'm not letting myself withdraw from my thoughts, I'm not allowing myself to fully submerge myself into food. I've been getting my feet wet, but I'm not diving in head first.

I feel like I keep rewriting the same post: I'm not doing well, but if I'm patient and persistent, I'll be okay. It may be getting redundant for you poor readers, but I need to keep reinforcing this to make sure I don't forget and give up.

3 comments:

Anne M. said...

What I see is that you are making progress. You said, "since 2004 each slump has decreased in length, each regain has gotten smaller, and each plateau point has been passed."

That's it exactly. We do the best we can where we are, making little changes, and rather than go in a circle, we are on spiral. We may see the same landmarks but we are in a different place relative to them because we're moving somewhere.

You know your destination and are working to make it happen. I'm proud of you and glad you are feeling better.

Vickie said...

"It may be getting redundant for you poor readers, but I need to keep reinforcing this to make sure I don't forget and give up. "

Not redundant - just helps reinforce for all of us too.

Lori said...

I don't find it redundant at all. All of us have days/periods like this and while you may not see a lot of progress, I (and others) do. It's probably true for me (and others).

You're also not feeling well and for me, when I'm tired and not feeling, my sense of proportion goes out the window.

You really are very sensible, enduring, and always perserving (I hope I spelled that right). I'm always proud of you.