Monday Morning Quarterback

I had my own version of the Sooper Bowl this weekend. The teams? My Old Way of Living versus My New Way of Living.

Like last night's game, both teams were having a hard time maintaining possession of the ball. MNWoL kicked butt in the first quarter (Friday) and was so excited by the 2 pound loss in the beginning of the second (Saturday) that they got a little cocky and celebrated excessively. This was just the opening MOWoL was looking for and made a major interception, which lead straight to the end zone (i.e., container of cookies Hubby made). MNWoL got a major pep talk from the coach during half time and walked onto the field in the third quarter (Sunday) with every intention of turning the game around. But once again MOWoL took advantage of the adverse surroundings (lunch out at a buffet) and, when MNWoL fumbled the ball, the other team scooped it up and ran away with it for the rest of the quarter.

But you know what they say: a lot can happen in the fourth quarter. So today MNWoL is pulling itself up by the bootstraps and getting serious about winning this game. And I'm confident we will overcome our past slip-ups and be victorious.

Now that I'm done with my extended allegory, I should get a little serious here. It would be very easy to shrug my shoulders and say I don't know why I had a two-day blowout this weekend, but that would be a cop-out. I won't learn anything and can't improve if I don't take the weekend and myself apart and analyze what happened. Here's my list of reasons/excuses/misguided rationalizations:

1. I was so happy that I lost weight that my reaction was to overeat, because I knew I'd be able to knock it back off.
2. A delayed reaction to the whole ER visit scare led me to "comfort eating."
3. Hubby made the chocolate chip cookies due to a request from Mabel, even though anyone who knows her should know she would only eat one or two. And once they were in the house, they were a massive temptation that drove me over the edge.
4. I did not want to go out Sunday and overate at the buffet in some kind of childish, spiteful, rebellious response that hurt no one else but myself.
5. Once I splurged at the buffet, I adopted the "what the hell" attitude and ate poorly the rest of the day.

There were lots of instances where I could have kept it from happening or turned it around:
1. I could have congratulated myself in lots of non-food ways.
2. I could have used other non-food ways to comfort myself.
3. I could have thrown the cookies in the garbage and covered them in dish soap.
4. I could have either put my foot down and refused to go out, or I could have chosen healthier options at the buffet.
5. I could have limited my splurge to the buffet and eaten mindfully the rest of the day.

I've done all of the above at other times. But this weekend I didn't do any of those things. Why? That's the never-ending question that haunts me. Why can I do so well at certain times and then in another instance do nothing right? How can I learn to permanently maintain the intricate balance of mind, body and spirit that keeps me from making unhealthy decisions?

I could write it off that I was just too tired and lazy this past weekend. But that seems too close to bashing. Instead, I have to move on, try to learn something from my mistakes, and work on doing better next time.

The one constructive thing I did this morning was talk to my husband about the cookie situation and try to explain to him (again) that having the cookies in the house is NOT a good idea. Something tells me, however, that he won't ever really take me seriously until I actually go full-throttle on him and make a major production with the dish soap right in front of him. It's going to take something that dramatic and extreme for him to figure out I'm not kidding.

Can I tell you it's FREEZING here? My car thermometer read -4 degrees F at 8 a.m. this morning, and that didn't add in wind chill. I did not go to my satellite gym this morning because of the dangerous conditions, but I will be going after work, because it's Monday now, and it's back to healthy living.