A Month of Treading Water

Still fighting this illness. My throat's the main culprit, and I'm starting to worry that it might be strep. My doctor's office is closed today; if it's still hurting and burning tomorrow, I'll do what I dread most and make an appointment.

I wish I could get over this dread about doctors. It's almost entirely based on my long life as a fat girl, facing the gallows that is the scale, and the countless comments and speeches I've received from so many doctors and nurses about my weight. Even though last year I was called the "poster girl" by one of the physician's assistants because of my weight loss, I still hate being weighed. I understand being weighed at your annual physical, because you're there to get an overall evaluation of your health, and your weight is one of many indicators. What irritates me is that they weigh you every stinkin' time you go in. Have an earache? "Get on the scale." Ingrown toenail? "Hop on the scale." And I've never had the balls to be assertive and refuse to be weighed; the people pleaser in me never wants to make waves.

That was the one good thing about visiting my neurosurgeon -- in all the times I went to see him, he never weighed me. What joy! We could get right to the point of my visit and not go through the torture. By the way, my six month checkup on Monday went great. He said my hardware is healed and fused to the bone, and unless I have any more neurological problems (numbness, tingling, etc.), there's no need for me to go back. That's what I like to hear!

(had to stop and come back later)
It's been a tough day to get any rest. Had to get up early and get Mabel off to school, then off to my job. When I got home, I had Hubby to deal with -- he fell on the ice yesterday and hurt his tailbone. The x-ray didn't show any breakage, but he's in a lot of pain, so he's taken the last two days off from work.

When I got home my throat and head were hurting a lot and I felt so tired, but good luck getting any sleep. After being cooped up in the house Hubby wanted me to chat and watch cooking shows with him. Then his parents showed up and stayed for an hour. Hubby left the house for a few minutes and I finally was able to take a tiny nap, but 15 minutes into it Mabel came home from school and then it was time for my second job as Super Mommy -- dinner, dishes, piano, homework, laundry, bath, bed time routine.

While I'm exhausted, my throat actually feels a little better now, so maybe the worst is over. I'm going to bed early and get another 8-9 hours of sleep and see what that does for me.

The food has been really good the last three days, probably because I'm taking all these decongestants and they always seem to decrease my appetite. My weekend bloat (and this time it was a hell of a lot) is coming off quickly, thank goodness -- although part of that is probably from the decongestants, too. Since I'm getting no deliberate exercise I doubt I'll lose weight this week, but if I can be close to last week's weigh in, I won't be despondent.

I'm just chalking up February as a month of treading water weight wise. It could be a lot worse -- in past years it's been a month of regaining. Seeking progress, not perfection, right? That's what Frances' post on today's AFG site was about, and I could really relate to what she discussed there. That may become one of my new catch phrases. As long as I keep making progress, then I keep improving and getting closer to my goals.