You know, I'm so glad I've got this blog. If I was still writing by hand in my journal, I know what would be happening right now; I'd claim I was "too busy" to "waste time" in analyzing and pondering over my life. My journal didn't affect anyone else, so if I didn't write for a week, or two... or a month, or two... no one would even know.
Except me, when I woke up and realized I'd gained 30 pounds while I was "too busy."
If you look at my journals, the pattern is as loud as the plaid on a golfer's pants. The minute I stop writing, the minute I quit being mindful, is the minute I'm falling into bad habits.
But now, with this blog, it's different. It's out there. People read this -- maybe not every day -- but often. I receive advice, encouragement and support. And sometimes I find out I've done the same for them. I realize I'm only one of many who are trying to change their lives, and if they can get through it, it makes sense that I can, too.
And if I ever needed some place to vent and spell out my current issues, it's now. There have only been a few times in my life that I've been this stressed out, when I've got so much heaped on my plate at one time that it defies belief. But this is probably the first time I've gotten through it without binge eating my way through it. Granted, my weekends haven't been spectacular, but they've been small, contained moments, not the general operating procedure.
I'm definitely on edge; I'm snippy and frazzled and almost broke into tears yesterday as I cooked a pot of rice. But when I flop myself into bed, I can at least shut my eyes knowing I haven't stuffed myself full of sugar and fat in an attempt to cope with it.
Having said all this, I know over the Christmas weekend I'm going to have trouble getting online to post. And next week is the move, when life will be completely chaotic. I won't be back to work until Wednesday. I hope I can post before then-- I definitely want to get on here and report my Week Twelve Weigh-In -- and will do my best to do that.
Well, I've "wasted" enough time here typing away! Got to get back to work!
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3 comments:
There's nothing like being a bit accountable. I always appreciate your comments and your writing on the blog. It's always very thoughtful and insightful. You don't whine and you just keep going.
I moved once just before Christmas and it was really stressful. I didn't have to play Santa (no kids) but I can imagine the various things going on. I keep forgetting you work in a church and this is a busy time for them.
I'll be leaving Saturday morning and not back until Tuesday afternoon unless I get on my cousin's computer (which I doubt). But I'll look forward to seeing how you did.
One thing that I have to keep telling myself is that I still have stress-ers - but don't have the old coping mechanism - eating. Granted it was a BAD coping mechanism - but when I feel like I am floundering - I remember that I have to figure out new ones. I know how stressful JUST NORMAL life can be - and you have so much extra going on - try to remember to breathe . . .
I know exactly how you feel about your blog. It does keep you accountable.
I hope things slow down long enough for you to put your feet up and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time.
Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas.
Alicia
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