Thursday, December 14, 2006

See the Changes

I had a close call this afternoon. I managed to cut it off before it developed into anything serious, but if I hadn't peeked at the scale this morning and saw myself down another half pound, I may not have had the fortitude to get past it.

I'm simply overwhelmed. I don't know what to attack first -- packing, cleaning, laundry, dishes, Christmas cards, wrapping presents, you name it. After days of procrastination I finally got a few more boxes packed this afternoon, but in the middle of it -- bang -- I came across the bag of Swedish cookies Hubby bought during our recent trip to 1kea. These shortbread-like sandwich cookies come in wrapped sleeves, and the flavors my husband picked out were the lemon filled and the raspberry filled. That night I bought one roll of the hazelnut chocolate filled, but they pretty much disappeared that same day...

"God I'd love to sit down and eat an entire roll of these things," I announced to my mother, who was sitting at the dining room table reading my newspaper. She didn't comment, but I did my own mothering and shook my head. Nope, I said to myself as I put the back in their hiding place, I don't need any of these today. So I got my head back on straight and got back to work.

Despite this one murky spot, the day has gone very well. The whole week has, really. I'm in that focused state of mind that I yearn for when I'm stumbling and ... well, eating entire sleeves of cookies in one night. It's almost a stubborn determination to eat well and stay away from the emotional eating. When I don't have it I wrack my brain trying to figure out how to get it back. When I do get there I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I am so grateful that I did. I do know that if I could bottle that feeling or else write a book explaining exactly how to achieve and maintain this frame of mind, I'd quickly be the richest woman on the planet. Move over, Queen Elizabeth! Step aside, Oprah!

For example, the last couple days as I'm meandering around the house I've been trying to figure out how I can get through Christmas without bloating up 20 pounds. Last year I was stockpiling and pre-ordering all my goodies in order to eat whatever I wanted at Christmas -- what a different perspective! Of course, Christmas still feels far away to me, even though it's NEXT WEEKEND (holy petit-fours, Batman!)! Once I'm surrounded by all the rich, delicious, aromatic, tantalizing food I only get once a year, it'll probably be a much different story. But right now I'm trying to figure out how to preserve the good work I've done. I'm downright desperate to do whatever it takes to NOT see 225 on the scale New Year's Day!

One thing I have to do is keep my victories fresh in my mind. Today I was walking to Mabel's bus stop and caught a glimpse of myself in a window. WOW. I looked so slim! Granted, I was wearing a flattering outfit, but still, it continues to amaze me how much change there is between 225 and 215. Back in the early days 10 pounds was nothing -- it took a good 30 or 40 pounds for people to really start noticing any change in my appearance. And I remember how psyched I was at 250. But now, I'm really starting to see a body emerging that makes me pretty darn satisfied with myself.

Something tells me the cookie disaster I diverted an hour later might have been due to this huge ego boost that made me feel so good. Whatever it takes, right?

Sounds like Hubby's finally home from working on the house. Better go entertain him. Ciao for now!


Anonymous said...

Good job on backing away from the cookies. We had my leftover red velvet cake sitting out (husband did not want to throw out because he said he wanted to have some more), it didn't bother me at all yesterday. I even told my mother on the phone, that it was almost like a test, and I was passing with flying colors . . . until I got my test results back from my thyroid biopsy. So happy, the first thing I did was have a slice of cake. Cake went in trash after that. Pass one test, fail another.

Grumpy Chair

Lori said...

Good for you for putting it back and walking away from the cookies.

I like how you compared how food was for you from last Christmas to this Christmas.

And that you see yourself slim. Yay!! :-)

Anonymous said...

You look SO fabulous in all your pictures! I am sure you are even better in person (we all know about that picture thing). I am famous (at my house only) for standing in the middle of the kitchen holding some offending food by two fingers as if it were a very dirty, stinky sock - and yelling "who does this ______ belong to? - come claim it and get it away from ME!" Some child will come tearing in from some other room - grab it - go tearing out again to parts unknown. . . daily life with 4 other people who EAT . . .


ps - grumpy you are a genius - it never occurred to me to be anonymous again.