Before and after -- and after that

I figured since I'm bearing my soul on this blog, I guess I'd take an even bigger risk and bear my body -- before and after.

This photo on the left was me around my heaviest -- I wasn't weighing myself a lot at that time because I just didn't want to know. But I was wearing somewhere between a size 26-28 or 30-32, depending on the store, etc. I did my best to have a nice appearance, but you can almost see the defeat in my eyes. My child, by the way, is not faceless, but I felt I'd give her a little anonymity.

I found this photo about six months ago while going through a box of pictures, and I put it in my wallet to remind me how far I've come when the negative thoughts hit me.

On the left is my most recent after photo, taken in May at my best friend's wedding (to my brother-in-law!). I'm guesstimating that between the two photos is a loss of at least 100 pounds, maybe 110. It was the first time I was ever asked to be a maid/matron of honor. And it was the first time in years that I bought a dress in the regular section of a clothing store -- granted, it was the largest size there, a 16, but what a joy to be in the teens again!

In the one month after this photo was taken I lost another 10 pounds, but then I had The Surgery (more on that later) and gained back 20.

Most people would be holding a parade for losing 100 pounds. People are astonished when they get it out of me how much I've lost. But the perfectionist in me doesn't think it's enough. I get caught up in the loose skin (my upper arms are a particular spot that makes me shudder), the fact that I'm still considered obese to every medical chart, that I still battle the food issues and negative feelings that I had 100 pounds ago.

Now that I've got the photo spread taken care of, I can discuss how yesterday went. The eating went well. The first day usually does -- it's day 3, 4, 5, etc., that causes a problem. My general eating plan is three meals and two to three small snacks. I basically try to eat every 3 to 4 hours, which keeps me from getting too hungry.

I also got back on the treadmill after being off for a week due to a nasty cold. I walked for 3 miles, which is rather far for me on the treadmill, even though over the summer I walked 5K (3.2 miles) five or six days a week outside. Unfortunately, the two weeks off from The Surgery and the cold seem to have knocked me out of shape a little, because I am really feeling sore this morning! Most troubling is my left knee, which is hurting a good bit. This knee has been my Achilles' Heel for years; due to the combination of my excess weight and the knock-knees I inherited from my grandmother, I've been dislocating this thing since I was 10. I can always tell when I'm not keeping the muscles around the knee properly toned, because it starts to feel week and achey. Like today.

So instead of doing the treadmill this morning I rode on my stationary bike for 45 minutes (10 miles). Hopefully some ibuprofen, a little rest and some strengthening exercises will bring it back to working order. I'm also going to break into the new running shoes. The ones I walked in Monday were 9-10 months old and I think the padding is wearing thin. It definitely makes a big difference for my knees and feet.

The forecast looks good for Day 2. I'll do my best to keep my thoughts positive and focus on all the accomplishments I've collected so far. On my to-do list today is housecleaning for my daughter's 8th birthday party this weekend, so hopefully the knee won't slow me down too much. I'll let you know how it goes!