Besides the 10 pounds I've lost in the past two weeks, I'm amazed at the energy I've had. It has to be more than just the caffeine in the green tea, because normally caffeine has little effect on me. I've been more motivated to clean the house, plan menus and be more organized in general. Instead of caffeine jitters, this feels more like the effects of an antidepressant. I don't have insomnia, but I seem to need less sleep -- an average amount of sleep, 7 to 8 hours, makes me feel more rested than it did, and I'm having an easier time getting up in the morning. While I still get a little irritated, I'm not having the major blowouts I've had before.
This week is a real test, because it is that "time of month" when I'm usually an eating machine, and I've done really well so far. I did notice, however, that I made this butterscotch pudding (fat free and sugar free) and while I've limited myself to small servings, I really found myself craving it this afternoon. In fact, that's when I seem to be having a lot of food cravings, during the car ride home from M [Mabel was in day care and I'd go pick her up at 4 p.m.]
I suppose I should consider myself fortunate that I was craving a low-calorie snack. I love butterscotch, and it totally satisfies that creamy comfort food need that I have. I guess I'm just leery of all cravings right now. I want to dissect it and know why I crave it, even though it could be as simple as it tastes good.
Then this evening I got Mabel bread sticks with cheese at the pizzeria. I decided to have three of the smallest pieces with the least amount of cheese, and I was able t stop with that and have a salad with chicken when I got home. I was hungry, I knew it'd be a while before I could eat my own supper, and I don't want to make any food forbidden. That's the first step to making this a diet, which starts the chain reaction of deprivation, rebellion and binging. But I am catching myself starting to count calories, fat grams, etc., which concerns me, too. I don't want to make this all about weight loss -- I may never reach an "ideal" weight, and in the end that can't be the measure of success or failure. It has to be about stopping the compulsive eating and binges. Maybe if I repeat it over and over again...
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2 comments:
It's so cute to see how much better I'm feeling at this point, but I'm so clueless that it's from eliminating a lot of the junk out of my daily intake and not being permanently engorged with food. I was so naive back then!
Little did I know that in three years' time my brain would be hard-wired to count calories and would feel so much more at ease when I measure food! Yet, I STILL cringe at the thought that I'm "dieting." Lifestyle changes, yes, training myself to know portion sizes, sure. But on a diet! Oh no! Not me!Not that dirty four-letter word!
thanks for putting the weights in - easier to follow - I guess we all think in "weights" instead of times/dates - or at least I do.
Are you tempted to "edit" as you type - or typing AS IS - except changing the names of course - ????
I'm keeping up with your typing and enjoying reading.
I have never been able to lurk in 3 year old archives before and TALK to the writer (also in 3 years before time frame) at the same time - it might be my dream lurking experience. . .
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