It's good to know there's a place for me to pitch my tent while I'm pitching my fit. (Is the term "pitching a fit" well known? I suppose it's a more hillbilly version of "throwing a fit.")I felt like a psychopath this morning. At one point while I was eating my cereal and listening to Howard Stern I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes -- thank goodness I didn't choke on my Banana Nut Crunch!
Later I got totally overwhelmed trying to get my daughter ready for school that I pretty much pitched that fit I mentioned above. I have our morning routine down to a precise science, and when Mabel tries to start throwing additional stuff at me, I seem to crack. This week at school they're having theme days, and today is crazy hair day, so I had to help her do her hair. No big deal. But then she wanted me to figure out how to work her new MP3 player, and that seemed to send me over the deep end. I'm not afraid of technology, but I just didn't have time to figure it out and get her and myself ready for our day. Things just got worse as I dealt with the latest casualties to my dog's teeth and the state of my kitchen, which is utter chaos now and is only going to get worse as my husband prepares to build an island and replace our dog chewed flooring. I turned into a snarling fiend and growled continuously until I got to work. I feel bad about getting so crabby and snappy, and I even apologized to Mabel and told her I'd try to get myself under control by the time she got home this afternoon.
It just goes to show how poorly I do with chaos and changes to my routine, especially in the morning. But this week overall has been really taxing me; there's been way too much running around in the afternoon and evenings. It's all stuff that needs to be done, but I wish it wasn't day after freakin' day! By the time I get home -- after 8 p.m. -- I am physically and mentally exhausted, and nothing is getting done around the house because I either don't have the time or energy to do it.
The good news, I suppose, is that my emotions are back in all their glory, even with the Wellbutrin. I don't feel sedated, I don't feel empty, and I feel like I'm slowly starting to regain some motivation and concentration in my life. As for the eating, it's not "perfect," but like I said yesterday, that overwhelming need to hoard food and overeat it is weakening. Thank God! Is there a saint of pharmaceuticals?
This afternoon I'm going to see Dr. Karen again, and I'm sure I'll go over all of this stuff again with her. She's always good with her insights and suggestions, and of all the things I have to do, this is always a productive one. Then this evening we go once again to Mabel's gymnastics. I will be so glad when this week is over!
2 comments:
When do you leave for England, and can I go with you? We need a vacation. Can I also go and see Dr. Karen with you?
I wrote about my screaming fit and am glad to see I am not alone. I begin to think the emotions are necessary and we may be making them worse by always trying to "control" and/or "fix" them.
My latest conclusion is that my body and head need a physical release valve. Exercise would be the best, but if not available, screaming works. Very glad to have you back. Emotions and all.
I hope tomorrow's theme isn't too horrible. I don't think you were unreasonable in not wanting to deal with a new MP3 player when you were trying to get Mabel and yourself off to school/work. I'm sure you can say you could have handled it better and that may be true, but the overall feeling of "I don't have time" is valid.
And yes, can we start a charter trip for all of us?
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