Monday, October 01, 2007
A Little Better All the Time (It Can't Get No Worse)
Has anyone asked you the question "Lennon or McCartney?" Your choice definitely reveals a part of your personality.
I'm definitely a John Lennon person. For example, when thinking about blogging this morning and figuring out how I'm feeling, I thought of the Beatles song "Getting Better," especially the chorus:
"I've got to admit it's getting better, better
A little better all the time, it can't get no worse."
The main lyrics are Paul McCartney's; the italicized lyrics were added by Lennon. He adds that little twinge of sarcasm, his legendary acerbic wit to temper the sugary sweetness of McCartney's optimistic song.
I am feeling a little better, but I realize I couldn't have felt much worse. I feel like I'm emerging from a thick blanket of fog. The visibility still isn't crystal clear, but I'm not completely blinded and overwhelmed by the fog anymore. Things are coming more in focus and I'm feeling less like I'm trudging through mud to complete the smallest task.
I talked to my sister-in-law yesterday on the phone and she said I sounded better. She's probably my best analyzer, the one person who can read me the best. So it was good to get a positive response from her.
Other signs that I'm feeling a little better: I'm not feeling as driven to hoard and binge on food. I wouldn't say I'm intuitively eating yet, but I don't feel that out of control compulsion to stock up on every binge food I can think of and eat them all until I'm ill.
Another thing: I'm realizing I'm missing my blog friends. I've been unable to concentrate long enough to read blogs, and I'm starting to wonder how some of my pals are doing. Being able to think about others is a good sign that I'm pulling myself out of my self-absorbed depression.
I've got at least another week to see how I'm feeling before I call my doctor back and let her know how I'm doing. At that point I have to decide with my doctor if I'll stay with this lower dose of Lexapro, switch to something else, or quit taking anything. I've heard good things about Wellbutrin -- my sister's doing well on the Zyban version, and others have told me it's worked for them, too. So we'll have to see.
By the way, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post and gave me such nice compliments about my writing. You've really inspired me to think about getting back into my fiction writing. Let's hope I can actually do something about it.