Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Benefits of Anger

This could have been a picture of me yesterday. I had some moments when I was okay -- mainly when I was out of my house -- but every time I was at home I seemed to be on the verge of a complete nuclear meltdown. Every little thing was aggravating the hell out of me, and I fumed and bitched and stomped around like a maniac.

Today I'm better, mainly because I'm just too darned busy at work, where I still am. I also think it helped that I actually let out my feelings and didn't hold them inside. While the fuming was pretty exhausting, it's a better feeling than the sedated, zombified feeling I was experiencing.

In addition, the more I feel and express, the less I'm turning to food. I had to go to the grocery store last night to get milk, and I noticed as I walked past or even checked out some of my recent binge foods that I just didn't want it. It still looks good, but that compulsive feeling that I NEED IT ALL NOW isn't there. What a huge relief!

I still like my sweets, but I find myself craving other things like nuts and cheese, and not huge amounts either: I'm finding myself content with one cheese stick or a tiny bowl of nuts. I'm feeling much more like an intuitive eater again instead of an out-of-control eating machine, and I'm so relieved.

So while my explosive bitching isn't the most pleasant thing in the world for me and my family, it seems to be paying off in more ways than one. It certainly got my husband's attention. Last week when I made the suggestion that we needed a date night he shrugged me off and said, "When will we find time for that?" Today he's e-mailing me from work telling me how badly we need quality time together. Like my pal Lori says, sometimes people just need that good old 2x4 board over the head treatment to finally get the point.

This morning I was much calmer and nicer, and when I dropped off Mabel at the bus stop I said, "So, was I better today?" She just smiled at me as she got out of the vehicle. Being a drama queen herself, I suppose she understands.

I wonder, now that I think about it, that the fact that I finally walked a couple miles this morning didn't help matters, too. Exercise does do wonders for my stress tolerance, which is something I have to keep in mind as I try to get back to a regular workout routine.

No comments: