Noises Off*

In my last post Katcha made a comment about my current progress with Intuitive Eating and my question of whether my new medication is part of the reason:

"For whatever reason, this is wonderful progress. If it is the medication 'assisting' you, then I say its helping you to settle into IE so bravo! I think its really all YOU and when not driven by whatever demons beset you in the immediate past, you are able to find that YES you can do this, all to your own credit too."

I focused on the word demons. Not because I feel like I've been possessed by the devil or his minions. But I do feel like a switch has been flipped and someone has turned off the constant voices in my head.

These are the voices that during a meal are already planning for the next eating opportunity. The voices that point out every restaurant and food vendor that I drive past and make me think about stopping and getting something. The voices that encourage me to clean my plate even if I'm full or the food doesn't taste that good. The voices that encourage me to sneak away to eat where no one can see me.

It isn't all about the food, though. I have been on an emotional runaway train lately. As I barrelled downhill I kept gathering speed and less control with each new layer of stress and each new irritating incident. When I did hit bottom last week it was the tiniest thing that derailed me, something that I would have shrugged off and laughed about normally. And when I derailed, I definitely crashed, and hard. But even though the cars were in a crumpled heap, the engine was still running at full throttle.

That engine has been stopped now, and it's a relief. I don't feel that constant tension inside of me that felt like it was ready to explode at any moment. Now when something annoying or aggravating happens it doesn't feel like a 50-pound weight dumped on my back; I notice it, but it slides off now. The good news is, I'm not turning into a zombie; it's actually helping me to react to things in a calm, rational way. Before, when my Hubby left the newspaper on the bathroom floor for the 40th time, I'd silently rail and rant in my head about the lack of help I was getting around the house. On Sunday I simply went to him and asked him to please pick up his papers when he's done with them.

This morning, when I woke up to discover that our dogs escaped their kitchen abode and Pearl had diarrhea in three different rooms in our house, I didn't freak out and boil over in fury. I wasn't happy, but a week ago this would have sent me over the edge. It was nice to be able to simply deal with it without going crazy.

And this weekend I was able to laugh and really enjoy my time with my friends. So the good emotions are still there, too.

This sounds like a fairy tale, but here's the reality: I am dealing with some side effects. I've got the most common ones -- nausea and drowsiness -- plus some restless sleep at night. The doctor and the web site for the medicine both claim these side effects fade with use. Since I'm just in the first week, I'm hoping these side effects will go away soon.

But right now these complaints pale in comparison to the benefits I've had when it comes to stress and eating. Yes, I slept a lot yesterday, but I didn't get much sleep the last couple nights since I had to get up early for all our activities. And it's almost a given you should be able to take a nap or two on a Sunday! I was a little nauseated, but it kept me much more in tune with my body and my appetite. And it kept me from overeating, which is something I usually do when I have a busy weekend like this. None of it is bad enough to consider stopping the medicine.

*In theatrical stage directions, the term "noises off" specifies sounds that are meant to be heard from offstage, such as crowd noises or gunshots. There is also a a famous play/movie with this title. (Thanks to Wikipedia for this info)