Friday, July 13, 2007

Funny Friday the 13th

How funny is it that today's Friday the 13th? Thirteen is a lucky number in my husband's family, and in our case we met on a Friday the 13th and were then engaged on another 13th. The wedding didn't work out that way -- it was on the 23rd -- but my BIL's birthday is on a 13th and he and my SIL did get married on a 13th. So there's a lot of it going around.

This morning I felt another wave of anxiety building, and I was really afraid of having another full-blown attack. I got online and read some blogs, wrote some emails, and tried to distract myself.

The problem was, I knew I had to address a problem and was procrastinating about it. The more I avoided and waited for the right moment, the more the anxiety was building.

So this morning I finally took the leap and dealt with it.

It helped that I had gone over the discussion I needed to have in my mind and had responses ready for several things I figured I would encounter. I'm a much better writer than I am an off-the-cuff speaker, especially in a tense or upsetting situation. I get tongue-tied, flustered and tend to shut down. So having some replies and comments already there and ready to use were a big help to me.

There were a few uncomfortable moments where I could sense the other person was starting to get defensive and throwing up the shields, but I managed to talk this person down and get them to stay calm and not feel blamed or accused of anything.

I am pleased to say that for the first time I really feel like I've made some major headway with this person. For the first time I feel I got some real honesty about some things that are going on, and for once I felt like this person finally understood where I was coming from.

What a relief. This has been a situation that has been going on for some time, and at times I didn't think I would ever be able to make any progress. The actual problem will not be going away any time soon, but I think for the first time I've really gotten through to this person how important it is to me that we deal with it together.

I wish I could say this has made me feel 100% better and I'm completely cured. But it's not so easy. I tackled one source of stress that has piled up on me lately, and while it's progress, I've still got a lot of work ahead of me.

But for today, I can be content with the fact that I fought my fears of confrontation, anger and rejection, and everything came out okay. I don't know if I consider myself lucky, but I don't think this Friday the 13th will be so bad.

P.S. Another thing I can celebrate is that throughout all of this, there has been no bingeing!


Anonymous said...

Congrats and kudos too! I am very glad that you were successful with this most difficult step for you. I can only say that I am also happy that the other person was able and willing to hear you. I never did have that option with my MIL who was a complete dipwit about relationship. Luckily for me, my husband (her son) also could see this problem with her so I wasn't the odd person out in what could have been a nasty triangle! (or potential DIVORCE situation?!?)

Again - wonderful, excellent and GOOD for you :)

ehugs, Katcha

Beula said...

Yea. Yea. Yea. This kind of thing scares me to death. I hate confrontation. I think they are going to kill me or something. I am also afraid I will make the situation worse. You are very courageous in my book. I never thought about rehearsing the conversation first. What a good idea. Good job.

Tree Lover said...

I'm glad to hear that your conversation turned out so well. I am facing a situation in which I am just not communicating well with someone I need to communicate with. This person gets defensive and shuts down when I try to talk about our issues. From reading your post, I think the key to your successful conversation was being able to help the other person stay calm and to not feel blamed or accused. Certainly, that must have been challenging! Anyway, good for you! And I hope to find similar success soon.