Sunday, June 24, 2007

Whipping Girl

My blog pal Lori emailed me this (hope she doesn't mind me reprinting it here!)

"I've been meaning to post this on your blog but I wonder if some of your guilty feelings about the Girl Scout incidence is that you subconsciously want every day to be a good day like the Ice Cream Day and when you fall off that perfection wagon, you are so hard on yourself?"

BINGO! Why did I not see that? Of course it's completely true. I always want to do things right, to be the good girl, and when I fall short of those expectations, the self-flagellation begins.
Unfortunately, I'm still mentally whipping myself this morning for this weight gain. I can feel it; it's like I super glued a big gel pack to the front of my torso. I was trying on clothes yesterday to figure out what to wear to church this morning and all my new clothes are snug. It's one thing to work through the mental and emotional issues, but it's hard to ignore the physical changes.
This morning I caught myself planning a week of "healthy eating" to try to knock some of this off. DANGER. While I know lots of "normal" eaters watch what they eat a week or two after a vacation to work off what they gained while they were away, I also know a lot of "normal" drinkers who have no problem going out on the occasional Friday night and drinking two beers. Recovering alcoholics know they can't do that without triggering binge drinking, just as I know that I run the risk of falling back into diet/binge cycle.
So what to do? Is it safe for me to purposely eat lower calorie foods (ones that I still like, of course!) for a week and try to reduce this vacation paunch? Or am I asking for disaster? Am I failing (aha, perfectionist thinking emerging!) at IE if I do this? These are the times I wish I had my own personal IE coach who could personally instruct me on what to do and how to get through this.
All right, I have to get going and get ready for my day. Going to church, which I haven't done in ages (bad girl!), then off to a family reunion. Yes, you know the drill -- a covered dish picnic where I'll be inundated with lots of starchy, fatty, sugary delicious foods. It's going to be a challenge today, because I'm wildly vacillating between wanting to eat it all and not wanting to eat anything. Hopefully I can cut through all this diet mentality and let my IE principles guide me.


Tree Lover said...

I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do on this one. Instead, I'm going to tell you that IE is different for everyone. And it is not a linear thing. There are ups and downs, steps forward and steps backwards. But as long as you are conscious throughout the process, you will learn how to navigate through this in the best way for YOU. I can tell you one thing for certain. You are NOT failing at IE, and there is no danger that you will. Just trust yourself, and trust the process.

Beula said...

Man did I need this today. I went back to my food plan this morning. I was just too scared not too. I want to do IE. I know it is the answer. But the fear of fat stops me. Have a friend coming next weekend. She had lost 22 pounds on Nutrisystems. She is bringing her food with her. I am fine with that. I applaud her effort. And it scares me. I'll be eating normally and maybe gaining weight and she will be dieting and losing. Gad. If you find an IE coach send her my way. Cheers