Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Giving Myself Amnesty

Mabel took this picture of me in the stockade at the Magic Kingdom -- not far from the Hall of Presidents.

Why did I pick this picture today? Well, towards the end of my trip I felt myself trapped in the stockade, punished by the tyranny of Diet Mentality, for eating for the wrong reasons as well as way too much.

I know, I was too hard on myself: it was vacation, and I was out of my element and surrounded by all kinds of unusual foods. I'm brand new to this IE thing and it's going to take time to make it a natural process, completely second nature.

The fact of the matter is, I caught myself way too many times eating past the point of satisfaction, and for all kinds of reasons: I didn't want to waste the food; dessert came with our WDW meal plan, so of course I got it with every lunch; I'd probably never be in this restaurant/get this dish again; it tastes so good, I better eat some more; I don't want to carry this food back on the plane or throw it away, so I better eat it. You name it, I found the excuse to overeat.

Most of the time I didn't beat myself up about this, but I definitely had some moments of feeling bloated and fat and bemoaning the weight I had to be gaining with all this eating. It didn't help that I was vacationing during my Time of the Month and that the weather was extremely hot and humid: who wouldn't get bloated?

These "bad" feelings increased as the vacation drew to an end and I knew I was returning home, where I would face the consequences of my actions. I haven't weighed myself, however, because I simply refuse to smack myself around with a scale reading that will show a lot of water weight. Granted, I'm not kidding myself that there isn't some real weight gain floating around on my body. But this morning's many trips to the bathroom are making me think a lot of it will wind up being water retention.

I will say in my defense that I really tried to go with what I really craved, and more often than not I gravitated toward meals that were healthy and natural. And WDW had some great choices: falafel pitas, grilled veggie sandwiches on nutty, grainy breads, and lots of fresh fruit. Granted, I still ate plenty of French fries, more than once I tried to conquer the heat with big frozen lemonades, and Hubby and I critiqued each cheesecake that came our way. But there were plenty of things I turned down, too.

The big thing is this: I don't want my memories of this trip to be full of regret about the things I ate. We had so many fun, exciting moments and precious time together that mean so much more in the long run than how many pounds I might have gained. So I am giving myself amnesty on this trip: I'm back home now, slowly falling back into my regular routine, and I'm confident I will get back into the IE groove.

1 comment:

Beula said...

I will say again I am glad you are home. I have a big question on my blog and I hope you have some insight. Gad this is hard. I weighed myself. Not good. If I eat only what gives me satisfaction, at the moment I would be eating only cheesecake and onion rings! I might be able to stop at small amounts, but still. Do you think my body/mind will ever want healthy food if I can eat cheesecake? That is a darn cute picture. You are a mere youth.