Saturday, June 12, 2004

I Went Down to the Crossroads

I feel almost ashamed to put another day on my total. I did so badly today, with no other excuse than to say I want to stuff myself, so I did. Again, Thursday and Friday I did fine, although I didn't get to the gym Friday because a) I had to cook breakfast at the B&B and b) Mabel was sick the night before and I got no sleep, so I was also very tired.

I can't keep doing this "two days good/one day bad" routine. I can feel it derailing my momentum, not only on the weight loss aspect but mentally, too. I guess I've finally reached my first real crossroads in this journey -- 115 days and 53 pounds later! It would devastate me to give up now that the going's getting a little tougher, not after all that I've accomplished. Analyzing the situation, I know that there are two major things contributing to it -- the plethora of events/temptations bombarding me these past few weeks, and an increase in stress in my life. The picnics, parties and other food related gatherings are so hard to turn away from. Business has picked up at the B&B, and I'm semi-flitootzed (Pa. Dutch slang there) about lingering problems from my last job and waiting to hear about the new one.

I am very concerned that stress, even the small amounts I've encountered recently, have been making my determination to stick to this plan falter so. It's apparent that I still haven't been able to master my stress, and clearly food is still the main drug of choice to medicate myself for it.

Here's what I think I need to do, starting tomorrow: 1. Get back to my routine as soon as possible. 2. Make a real effort to start incorporating yoga back into my day. 3. Crack open my meditation book and work self-reflection time into my day. 4. Crack open the books that helped to inspire me early on in this journey.

It's time to get serious about this and not fall back into my dysfunctional ways. I am bound and determined not to fail. Irregardless of the weight loss, I have to stop letting stress get the best of me and quit letting food be the answer.

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