So Far So Good

Well, it's three days later, and so far so good. I've had no binges, and other than our lunch with my mom and aunts, I've been able to go without seconds. I'll admit, supper time is the worst for me when it comes to that -- primarily because it's the biggest meal I cook and there are seconds to be had. But it helped that those seconds were specifically saved for lunch the next day, so I knew I could have it "later."

Even at the restaurant I thought I did pretty good -- my seconds were more salad and broccoli salad, not dessert -- of which I got fairly small portions.

I will admit I had two things in my favor this week -- I've had a cold and when my nose is stuffed up and I can't taste, I'm much less likely to eat a lot, because I feel like I'm wasting food if I can't taste it!

The other thing is the herbal pill I'm taking. It's mainly green tea extract with a few other herbs that suppress appetite and reduce water retention. I was a little nervous at first about taking a pill, but I researched all the ingredients online and didn't find any interactions with the regular medicine I take. It's relatively cheap, and in addition to actually suppressing my appetite, it seems to be boosting my energy, too.

In a way I feel like I'm cheating taking pills. But drug addicts and alcoholics have medicines available to aid them resist their cravings, so why shouldn't I? The herbs in the pills have extra benefits, including antioxidants and aiding in metabolism and lowering cholesterol. And it's nothing compared to the drastic measures of surgery.

I guess my question is, how long do I stay on these pills, and in addition, will the good effects I'm having now wear off over time? I'm a little afraid that if I go off the pills my cravings will come back with a vengeance, and I'll be back to my voracious appetite.

My plan is to stay on them for the time being, at least until I have a good "head start" at this endeavor. Sort of like a junkie going through detox. I need to get the chemicals (in my case, mainly sugar) out of my system before I can get on with my recovery.

I'm still definitely looking at this in a very 12 step/ one day at a time mentality, and it helps when I start to think about things like "I can't do this for the rest of my life" or "it'll take so long for me to get down to a weight I'll be content with." I tell myself instead, "Can I do this today?" And I try to remind myself that this isn't about achieving a weight that will get the doctors off my back and find me a mate. It's about putting an end to the emotional hold that food has over me; getting my cholesterol and triglyceride numbers in normal range; taking some of the burden off my feet, ankles, knees and hips; and trying to prevent things like heart attacks and diabetes.

Yes, part of me feels like I'm giving in to the overwhelming pressure to "get thin or die trying." I'm bombarded by it daily, everywhere I turn. I guess you could say I'm doing this on my own terms -- no stupid fad diets, no money-making organizations subjecting me to weekly weigh-ins. While I'm going to try to stick to "healthy" food, I'm not going to restrict or forbid any certain foods, because I know that will never work for me.

Of course, it'll be interesting once I'm put in certain situations -- holiday dinners, picnics, buffets and the like. But those are limited events, and the trick will be to make sure they are the limit, and that they don't cause me to relapse. And that's happened before.

As for exercise, I'm now two weeks back into my gym routine, and I can already feel some improvement with my knee, as well as beginning to rework muscles again. LG and I swam one day, too, and hopefully that becomes a regular routine.

Like I said, so far, so good. I'm going to continue to research the OA angle, continue exercise, and continue to make deliberate, thought-out decisions about eating.