Well, I guess I better record it -- since last week I've lost five pounds. That has always been the most discouraging part, climbing on that damn scale and hoping for more (of a loss). And it's the old reminder that I've never done well with diets.
I have to keep telling myself this isn't a diet -- I'm making healthy choices and abstaining from compulsive eating. And I can't let myself think that this initial gung-ho feeling is going to last, and that's when I really need to delve into the emotional aspect.
Fortunately, I've "rediscovered" that there's an OA meeting every Wednesday morning in M -- at least it says so in the paper. Hopefully it hasn't been disbanded, because I'll start this week if it's still going strong. I sort of remember the meetings starting, but at the time it wouldn't have worked with the newspaper. Yet another reason I'm glad I'm out of there!
I'm still nervous about it, though. Even though it's anonymous, going to the meetings means I'm admitting this to the world, and making this something I can no longer deny.
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How sad is it that I was so unenthused with my five pound loss? I was so beaten down by failure that I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy this success.
For those of you who want to keep track, my weight at this point was 305, so on Feb. 16 it was 310. This wasn't my heaviest weight, though. My all-time high was 337 in 2002, and I had managed to get it down to 290 in March 2003. However, as the first post mentioned, it crept back up to 310. That seems so long ago now.
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