Monday, May 03, 2004

In A Better Place

I'm at 271 -- only one pound away from a total of 40 since February! I weighed myself Sunday morning because that was the day of the B&B tour and I knew being around all those refreshments would be hard to resist.

I know this is totally redundant, but I can not get over how I can keep losing 4-5 pounds a week, even with less than perfect dieting. Granted, I've been gyming it five days a week, but it's not that strenuous of a workout, although it is at least an hour each day. I guess I must have my metabolism really revved up right now to be burning off as much as I am. Whether it's the exercise, what I'm eating or the green tea pills, I'm not sure, but clearly the combination is working.

While technically I could lose another 20 pounds by my class reunion, 10 is a more realistic goal, and I'd still be happy with that. While I'll never be able to compete with the eternally thin ones, this isn't about competing. As Dr. Dyer says, it isn't about being better than others, it's about being better than you used to be. And I can honestly say that I can't recall ever being at a better place mentally, physically and spiritually. I still have issues and stressors and room for improvement, but I just feel so much more content with my life and at ease with myself and the way my life is going. And I think it's much more than a number on a scale or a clothing tag. I'm feeling more in control, less numbed by the substances that were dulling my senses, and more connected to my body.

The only dark cloud right now is a cryptic email my mom got from my brother-in-law, telling her that my sister is going into the hospital. But there's no explanation why, how serious it is and how the kids are doing. It's hard to keep worst-case scenarios out of my head, but I know too that making myself upset isn't going to help anyone. So I just have to wait and see what the full tale is. I just hope that whatever happens, it eventually turns out for the best.

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