Monday, May 10, 2004

Am I Pretty?

Another milestone -- 270 and 40 pounds -- has blown by this weekend as I hit 268. I almost deducted a day of "abstinence" for yesterday and the Mother's Day Buffet at church, but I don't really feel I fell off the wagon. Yes, I had a big, high-fat, high starch meal, and pretty much ate starches all day, but had set meals and got in some walking during the day. And I think I need to learn how to incorporate these "off days" into my routine without feeling guilt or a need to go "whole hog" the rest of the day.

I don't know if it was wearing one of my new outfits or just the fact that so many people were at the buffet, but I did get more than one compliment about my "new look," and from people I didn't expect would notice. In a way it's nice to get encouragement, but I don't want to be dependent on other people's approval, either. The funniest thing, though, has to be when people ask me for my "secret" -- what I'm eating, how I'm exercising -- as if I'm suddenly become an expert. L.H. was hysterical, telling me how skinny I am, commenting that I'll have to get tuck work done on all the loose skin I'll have. She's probably one of the most supportive people so far, and I may start giving her email updates.

Mom continues to have the mixed messages. She made the comment "You'll soon be thinner than me," and it was real hard not to hear at least a little resentment in it. Or is it just my interpretation?

For example, on Friday I was crossing the parking lot at the Super Mega Mart when some guy yelled out of his pickup, "I wouldn't run over a pretty lady like you!" And the cynical part of me thought, "oh yeah, right." But then I realized, maybe some men actually think I am pretty. I mean, I have lots of old ladies who tell me how pretty I am, but I always consider that a very subjective opinion and nowhere near society's standards. But I'm not doing this to meet our society's approval, am I?

All I know is, I just need to keep on with what I'm doing, because clearly it's working, and as long as I'm patient the milestones will keep passing by.

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