Breaking 280

Woo-hoo! I broke the 280 barrier! While didn't make the month or even the two weeks, I at least went one whole week without looking at the scale, which is an improvement and did seem to help with the number=mood problem I've been having. It also helped to dwell more on the exercise aspect of this, and something tells me going to the gym five times plus the additional walking and swimming helped me to get to 275, despite a few high-calorie days.

This past Wednesday we went out to dinner with my uncle (who spends most of his days in Mongolia), and I thought I did very well with portion control. Then Sunday there was a spaghetti dinner at church, and I made sure to leave some pasta on my plate, because they gave such huge portions. Today I did go a little overboard by going out for Chinese, but I did skip the rice and didn't go for desserts and got more veggies instead.

I realize, however, that I can't be pushing the limits all the time and expect to keep losing weight. I know, I don't want to obsess, but I still want to keep going, as far as the fates (and my body) will let me.

It's funny -- there are days where I can really see and feel a difference, but then there's time where I feel like nothing's changed. But those are getting fewer, because 35 pounds is pretty substantial. In a funny twist, though, I was thinking today that even though my body's changing, I still pretty much feel the same -- attributed to the fact that I had come to a fairly good level of acceptance about my body. Even now I don't think about myself at 330, etc., with self hatred and loathing. I mean, I'm glad I'm getting into smaller sizes and I feel less stuffed, but I don't think my value as a human being is increasing because of it. I suppose that's good; it seems to be keeping my expectations realistic and attainable.

For example, this past week I went through my closet and realized almost all of my Sunday/dress clothes are way too big. While part of me is glad, the other part was sad to see some of my favorite pieces go, and I though about how much it will cost to replace my wardrobe!